Doodle #1

*First off, I'd like to say it's good to be back. Thanks for reading!*

I told Weesha I didn't know what I thought of Doodle. But I do: I like him. And I know she knows that somehow, I'm not exactly a hard book to read. I admitted to him aloud my crush but also my fears. I'm ashamed to admit that, despite how optimistic I am, I can't bring myself to believe romantic things can happen to me. I'm scared to become happy with someone again and lose them. I told him the source of it all might have been been the break-up that happened nearly three and a half years ago, several lifetimes ago, it feels like when I considered what's happened since then. As sensitive as I am, I've rarely cried as hard as I did back then and it took me a long time to not have it constantly in my mind. I went through a rollercoaster series of emotions in the months following. I still loved Muse, then I resented him. I forgave Muse, then I hated him and then I loved him again. And now, three years later, the both of us have reached a new level of maturity. Muse will always be dear to me, and I to him but the time has come to embrace the chance to experience something new. It's only fate that I found Doodle and starting developing something there.

And despite all my paranoia and fears...I'm still excited. I'm excited to feel the butterflies I thought I couldn't feel anymore. I'm relieved that I wasn't emotionally disfunctional and, not to put down the fabulous world of alternate living, that I wasn't gay. To finally meet this nice guy that isn't a pussy and is more than a little interesting and legitimately interested in me. We'll see where this goes.

~vickie