Thinking about Matthew

I haven't written anything like this in a long, long time.

But I'm thinking about him again.

It came up in the conversation innocently enough. Ran into my friend Laurie-ann, got talking about what we were doing in the fall and this summer, and I happened to mention I was writing to a pal in Australia. Naturally she thought I was talking about Matthew and that's how that can of worms re-opens again.

It didn't help that she said she (and quite probably everyone else in my Grade 9 class) always thought me and him would end up together. It didn't help that I replied to that saying we never tried because we both knew he wasn't staying. It also didn't help that I blurted something as a joke "Everyone loves Matthew, but I loved him first!" None of this helps and now I'm stuck remembering.

How we met. What we did. Songs we sang. Games we played. Clutching the dog tags so hard it cut into my hand, but I charged them with all the love I could. Nervous glances. The dances. How I saved his life. Biking in the rain. Standing up to Tutt. The surprise. The goodbye. Sitting in his car. The tearful, wonderful kiss.

What am I going to do?

~Vickie